There are five steps to the inner path of enlightenment agreeing to Gurudeva (yogi). These steps are verily regions of consciousness each being more refined then the last. As awareness becomes more acute and detached, as it comes under aware operate of the spiritual will, we are able to perforate the layers of consciousness in succession; until the final goal is reached. Enlightenment. The first of the five steps is attention. It is the capability to hold awareness steady, centralized in the area we choose. I feel like I have been thriving at this step and from this point I simply evolved into the next step, which is concentration. Like a hummingbird over a flower, I begin to concentrate on things, study them, and muse over them. Through the custom of concentration, mediation has very gradually been becoming available. In meditation the goal is to see "the truth" as it is. New knowledge can flood Through you when you listen from the inside. From practicing meditation, we next enter contemplation. We plunge deep within, beyond our external forms into the power of the life within the cells of your Self. We are absorbed with joy. We come to be that power that pervades every atom of existence. Ultimately, the promise of Gurudeva is that contemplation leads to self-realization; to the very deepest part of your soul; where you go within one atom of that pure power and into the Universal source of all creation. There is nothing you can say about this to communicate it because there are no areas of the mind in which the self and truth exist simultaneously, and yet, if it weren't for the Self the mind would not exist. It is paradoxical and it is the unspeakable truth known only by the knower. Where Self is, Truth is not. Where Truth is, self is not. Truth is so simple, so absolute, so undeviating and utterly uncompromising. It admits no complexity, no turning and no qualification. You cannot possess truth without being rid of Self. Deluded worshippers of their Ego vainly imagine that they can gratify every worldly desire and at the same time possess truth. But the lovers of truth have surrendered to the worship of truth at the cost of self/identity. There is no other way to Truth but to guard against worldliness and self-seeking. I must give up my lusts, my prejudices, and my opinions. Truth can be perceived only when the last vice of self has disappeared. There are no sorrow or disappointments in truth. There is no opposition, and no argument with Truth. How does it go? Once again I begin the crusade for my Truth with renewed determination. I will get this.
Next Obstacle:
So, much of my life has been about compliance which happens to have the appearance of surrender to outsiders, with a stubborn resistance on the inside. It means agreeing, and going along with the program, but in no way implies enthusiastic, wholehearted assent and approval. There is a gift willingness not to argue or resist, but I cooperate grudgingly. I am not entirely happy or comfortable in this "agreement" with compliance. I feel like a liar, not a seeker of truth. compliance is a word, which portrays mixed feelings, and divided sentiments. There is a willingness to go along but at the same time there remains inner reservations, which make that willingness somewhat thin and wavering. I have found that it doesn't take much to overthrow this kind of willingness. Not to drink, not to act out, not to abuse myself. The existence of my compliant attitude will probably appear as neither strange nor new to others... I have all the time been this way. One begins to see how it operates in my unconscious, and disarms me of my capability to verily grow.
What Is Pre Occupational Therapy
How much of my life had been lived appearing to follow the rules on the covering but resenting their constraints on the inside? Does this construe my paranoia of anything that seemed to threaten my relaxation or obligate me? If I have no obligations, I feel I can finally escape the double entendre I lead everyday. I can breathe deeply in these contrived moments. In this state of compliance, I all the time have all the time had an inner nagging that something is not true. Not right. I am appearing/appeasing one way on the covering but feel like I am sacrificing what I verily want on the inside. I struggle quietly with a smile on my face. I am so accustomed to this struggle, that I don't know how to act when the struggle disappears. I am noticing a fear to let go of my struggle. One more layer of my identity that I didn't know existed.
So now I stand here and ask you. Where does the balance lie between surrender and accountability? I want to surrender to Now, but what about my own decisions and will? How do I know when to surrender and when to assert myself? What is the incompatibility between surrender and resignation?
How do I gain humility without hitting rock bottom? Is it potential to have humility and reliance simultaneously?
I am now recognizing a marked incompatibility in my life Through much introspection and by the detachment from my thoughts that habitually run Through my head. Noticing a marked incompatibility between my thoughts and my consciousness was a big epiphany many years ago. Now watching all my thoughts, I perceive that the disciplines that resonate are the ones that have evolved past compliance, into acceptance (rather then resignation). This is where knowledge (outside source) crystallizes into wisdom (inside truth.) It is like when I finally quit drugs, or cigarettes, or coffee or alcohol, or overeating, or undereating, trying to get attention from men......I quit again and again doing research Through relapse, until my behavior changed from compliance to acceptance of truth. Nothing covering of me has the capability to change how I feel inside. Shoot. How can I apply this in the other areas of my life? How can I change my compliance into acceptance? Where has it already changed and where does it still need to change? The truths that I need to accept. Creation is love. Love is inside and covering of me. I am nothing and all at once. Hurting myself will never bring a definite result. Alcohol, drugs, food, abuse will never bring me contentment or the feelings of pleasure I am craving when I turn to them in desperation. Looking for acceptance covering myself will never bring self-acceptance that I need to cultivate inside. Living in the past I realize, is tinted with infantile perceptions, pre-growth, so the constant pathology of past events (such as when I was drinking or using) is pointless. I have grown out of those circumstances. In essence, past circumstances were seen Through a less advanced eye. I have grown so much in sobriety, it is verily counter sufficient to regress into past perceptions and views. Furthermore, the hereafter has not occurred so why limit myself. How many times have I imagined the future, from where I am now? It is no wonder I find the hereafter to be best than I could not have ever imagined. Why limit myself? But then again, every action, every accomplishment, and every dream began with my imagination. When I trust that I will continue to grow and change, I perceive I cannot imagine my hereafter without imposing my emotional limitations and boundaries that I wrestle with now. So confusing; like a mind f%@# if you know what I mean. I remind myself again and again that I must live now in this occasion by surrendering. Meditate to connect, not to be spiritually compliant. I am so sick of compliance, and it pops up in all areas of my life.
I must learn to originate my moments to publish my energy, my unique essence, not to be socially compliant or acceptable.
In compliance, I was attempting to originate a façade of perfection. I had been taught that if I could be excellent on the outside, it would mean I could find the acceptance I craved on the inside. That didn't work. I feel rebellion and dissatisfaction in these moments that I still am not good enough for myself. I give up! I say. But compliance was never the issue; I mastered that in my childhood training and my adult self-imposed standards of perfection. The qoute is that I had created a self-imposed standard, to appear one way on the outside, then enduringly struggling to make my insides match up. Ahhaaa! I had it backwards all this time. What I needed to do was write back and nod to my insides, and then match that up with my outsides. I didn't know truth was the embodiment of single mindedness.
Truth does not change. To explore my truths with more speed I must abandon compliance, which impedes sincere surrender.
yielding Vs Surrender
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