After suffering someone else incredibly stressful morning trying to get my 5 ½ year old son dressed, I've come to the windup that there must be other families who go through the same disappointment every morning. Most just wouldn't believe that we have it different than whatever else who has young kids. When I'm talking to man about Jeremy, my stress shows but the explanation is too long so I don't commonly elaborate. Their usual respond is "sounds like a typical 5 year old". I guess I've grown used to that. What is harder is to hear from other citizen who are trying to be helpful that we have a "discipline problem." They offer their typical guidance of how to reign a child in and get them to behave.
The fact of the matter is, is that he is Not a typical 5 year old! Oh, Jeremy loves to play instead of work, throw rocks and finds an empty box utterly fascinating, but the day to day events of our lives, the commonly mundane things, are stressful and incredibly different.
What Is Pre Occupational Therapy
This morning was supposed to be a lot of fun. We all woke up early to take a trip to Miami to see my husband's family. It's a 3 day weekend so we wanted to get an early start on Saturday morning so we could enjoy the afternoon in Miami. My husband got up and made coffee, I wrapped about 6 gifts that we're bringing and Jeremy started pulling out clothes and toys he wanted to bring.
I encouraged him to bring the clothes and toys into his room but instead more and more toys got dragged into our living room. When it was time to sit down and eat his breakfast, his beloved of 'waffles and cream', the battle started. Normally, a good tactic is to put a clock in front of him so he can see how much time he has. Today we didn't do that because we were not reasoning about the exact moment we had to leave like we do every day for school. That was a Bad choice on my part. I should have showed him the exact time he needed to have eaten and gotten dressed by. Then we should have marched out the door. Unfortunately, we had to pack our suitcases and pack the car.
When Jeremy got to the table ate a few strawberries and milk and got up. My insistence of him sitting and eating ultimately got ugly after about 15 minutes. While I was running nearby trying to get everybody ready to go out of town; I continued to put him back in his seat and interrogate that he eat. I sat with him for about 5 minutes and he didn't eat. I told him he could get a star for his chart if he ate, and got dressed. He started whining and crying so I took a star away from his chart that we've created. On one trip to the bedroom he started playing with a tractor. When I found him again ( I was now taking a shower) he wanted to bring the tractor to the table. I told him No and to get back to eat. He was screaming and crying because now he wanted the tractor and then he said that "you are the only mommy in the world who is mean to me every day". That is when I told him that if he said that one more time he would get his mouth washed out with soap. (This works wonders for those awful things that kids tend to say sometimes but If I could live without ever doing whatever drastic like this, I would!!!)
That stopped the complaining about how "mean" I am but the whining continued. I had to finish feeding him myself in in the middle of his tears. He ultimately complete eating after about 45 minutes. I had turned off the Tv by this time of course. I've learned that having the Tv on or light music can well overwhelm Jeremy.
Next, getting him dressed was no easy feat. The first shirt I put on didn't feel comfortable. This was a brand new pre washed long sleeve t-shirt from Osh Kosh. It's darling, but unfortunately, new clothes rarely stay on my son. He prefers old and soft. Many of his very beloved clothes and shoes have spots and tears, but they are the only ones that I can get him to stay in. This morning was no different. I put on Gap underwear, Osh Kosh Jeans and the Osh Kosh t-shirt. After he was wholly dressed, he started screaming and wailing about the shirt being too small and the pants being too big. So, off the clothes came! And it wasn't just a calm, "mommy I'm taking off these clothes", it was a screaming crying whining fit accompanied by throwing his clothes over the room which landed on my husband's face as he was walking over the room. At least today he didn't Run when it was time to get him dressed. That is the typical scenario. He races over the room when it's time to take off his pajamas or time to get changed any time. I can't figure out why! I don't know if that is his body having an automated reaction to change, or if it's a behavior issue. But it's something that we want to work on in occupational therapy.
Because I already know the drill, that nothing I can say or do will make him keep clothes on when he doesn't want to wear something, I went to the drawer and brought out the old favorites. The yellow long sleeve t-shirt with the #63 and the army looking pants that are soft and comfy. If you see Jeremy out of his school uniform, this is more than likely the outfit he'll be in.
I think of all of the hundreds of dollars that I've wasted by buying clothes that don't quite feel right. I think of the dozens of pairs of shoes that he has kicked and screamed about. I have thrown out piles of socks that just didn't have the seam in the right place. Getting Jeremy dressed to go anywhere, is a struggle nearly every particular day.
Recently, the school had a second hand sale on uniforms. I felt like I struck gold by looking the oldest shirts in the school. To me, that means, the Softest and that is exquisite for my kid! He is 5 years old, and he wants to wear size 12 shirts. They are big and don't cling to him. Also, discovering the Gap undershirts has been a miracle in our lives. My friend Diane has a red head boy (I believe red heads are more sensitive) and they recommended the Gap undershirts.
I remember trying to get Jeremy dressed at age 2 was no different than now. He went to the Montessori school and because it was pre-school, they weren't particular on the time we arrived. Many, many mornings Jeremy would fight and scream when I had to get him dressed. He would have been perfectly happy staying at home watching Tv all day. He would be wholly happy just doing that every day of his life. But, fortunately for him, he has two incredibly active parents who rarely ever sit nearby and watch Tv. We have our primary "Friday night movie night" but we don't watch Tv much while the week.
Jeremy does get to go to After Care at school if he's had good behavior the day before. There, they run nearby the fields, play ball, climb on the jungle gym, have snacks and play with their friends. He loves it! I find that it's the best place for him since he races the kids and exerts more vigor there than in any place else. The hardest part is when it's time to go. What else? He runs away! My mom has found it wholly embarrassing because he doesn't pay concentration when it's time to come. He just continues playing and then runs to the other side of the field where he can't even hear us yell for him.
By reading books like "The Out of Sync Child" and talking with other mom's I've found a few things that work in this situation. First of all, when you get there, allow the child 5 minutes or 10 minutes to play. Tell him/her that he has 5 minutes and then it's time to go. For Jeremy, he then gets time to transition to the next activity. And the prospect is set. Our new rule is that he is able to achieve a star for his chart at this point. If he comes immediately after the 5 minutes is up, he can get a star for that which when added up every day can decree either or not he gets to go to after care the next day. He needs to get 5 stars a day - for getting out of bed quickly, for eating and taking his plate to the sink, for making his bed, for getting dressed (almost) by himself, brushing his teeth and hair, etc. He has the chance to earn 3 stars in the morning. Several of the above list is combined into one section for instance: putting dishes in sink and making bed = one star.
The chart ideas is working for us pretty well. He gets stars taken away for negative attitudes or whining. One day he ripped all of the bad and the good extra stars down. He didn't realize he also ripped the good ones down. Jeremy can earn Extra stars for having exquisite behavior like the day he had such a great attitude one morning. I was so pleased and so proud of him that he got to go to After Care that day even though he didn't have enough stars the day before. The extra stars can collect to 20 and then he gets to go to Toys R Us to buy a toy. So far, he has only a couple of extra stars for good behavior.. And believe me.. I'm looking!
It's hard for Jeremy's self esteem to have these problems. He's gotten in problem nearly every particular day at school. He's come home many times saying, "I'm a bad kid, I'm a bad kid", which well rips out my heart! The ideas of putting their "apple or acorn" in the yellow, or red basket brings a prestige of "bad behavior". Jeremy has also had his apple on the teachers' desk many times. If he gets bad behavior like this, they take him out of recess. They'll take him out for 5-10 minutes or even the whole time! When I learned this, I freaked out! Jeremy Needs action in order for his brain to Function correctly. By taking him out of free time outside, they're just hurting the situation. I caused a stink about that at the school and I think they've made some adjustments. The school advisor is now complex and helping to guide the teachers in working with Jeremy. It's truly been a collaborative effort.
Jeremy has also been slow to finish his work. We had him professionally evaluated and it was also discovered that he has auditory processing disorder. This doesn't allow him to process more than one thing at a time. He can hear well, but he can't focus on more than one thing at a time. It doesn't allow him to hear citizen calling his name if he is immersed in someone else activity. Next summer, he'll be doing a 10 day oppressive agenda for auditory processing which includes 2 hours in the morning and 3 hours in the afternoon. He'll be listening to headphones which somehow reprogram his brain to hear more than one thing at a time. I am well looking send to this time to see if we can exact some of the behavior that he has.
We've found a few things that can work for Jeremy in regards to his behavior at school. First of all, Jeremy is Off of all sugar. He used to have waffles with syrup every morning and all of the sugar gave him too much vigor and he was bouncing off the walls! We ultimately realized that sugar has adverse effects so he now gets itsybitsy if any sugar in the morning. We even prefer milk over orange juice since fruit has sugar in it.
Next, Jeremy has to take time to rehearsal in the morning. We put a mini trampoline in our living room and he bounces a few hundred times in the morning before school. If we have time, my husband will take him out to ride his bike before school or run nearby the field and play Frisbee. On mornings that he doesn't get to exercise, he seems to be more talkative and figity at school.
I've had to explained to Jeremy that sugar is "poison" to his brain. It makes him react in such a negative way where he throws fits and disobeys. I seem to automatically know when he's had sugar! When he acts like this and I know he's not overtired, I automatically ask if he's had sugar!? Usually, the respond is yes and so then I need him to start bouncing on the trampoline to get the vigor out.
Jeremy might also have Adhd, which is a possibility since he was a preemie and upwards of 40% of preemies have Adhd. I went to one physician and within about 1 itsybitsy he was telling me that Jeremy had Adhd and would need medicine! That appalled my husband and I was quite put off myself. Even if Jeremy does have Adhd, we're not going to put him on medication without trying to find every other way to carry on it first. Also occupational therapy, we've heard of other therapies that families have used and have had great success. Also monitoring diet, they've used biofeedback and also some sort of testing of the electrodes in the body to eliminate toxins. I may have those details wrong, but we haven't gone down that road yet. Right now, Jeremy is in Tae Kwan Do 2 times a week. There, they teach self discipline, self esteem, leadership and focus. These are all qualities that I want for Jeremy.
If whatever could have told us where we'd end up even 6 months after we started down this path, I wouldn't have been able to handle it all at once. When we first discovered it, citizen came out of the woodwork to tell us their discoveries and what they went through. A friend from high school confided in me about her family situation and how they dealt with it. It was hard on her husband to imagine that their kid, arrival from two "over achiever " parents, would have developmental problems. I could quote to that of course, but when she started telling me that her child couldn't stand loud noises and would cover his ears and cry and scream, I couldn't quote to That. She also told me that it'd be best for Jeremy to repeat kindergarten and at the time, it was a notion that I couldn't bear. We've since considered that Jeremy will repeat kindergarten next year. arrival to that windup took a lot of time and was a consequent of visiting numerous pre schools, talking with our own principal, vice principal, other parents, his trainer and the counselor. It was our primary who encouraged us not to do whatever rash. I trusted her and I kept him in school and made the decision early on to repeat next year.
Other parents of kids of Sid children had other stories. One parent's child had low motor skills and didn't want to swing or play with other kids. That was wholly Opposite of Jeremy. I did meet one mom at a workshop for parents with kids of Sid who is very similar to Jeremy. He's a "crasher" and needs just as much corporeal stimulation as Jeremy. We laugh over the fact that we Tell our kids to jump on the couch... Instead of getting off of them. So, itsybitsy by little, with more reading and more talking, I found we all had one thing in common: Major Frustration!
My friend from high school also had some of the same issues I was facing at home. My husband, who is a complete overachiever, couldn't deal with the fact that it was recommended that Jeremy go on medication. He well Refused to even consider the possibility and so this would generate lots of tension. My decree was to find a solution, whatever that was. I was dealing with the teachers and with Jeremy every day, not just in the morning or at bed time. When I took Jeremy to school, the stress stopped for my husband, but not for me or his teachers. After speaking with numerous wives, I've discovered that the husbands don't believe it, or Want to believe it. It appears that because men feel that they must be strong in every situation and must handle many obstacles in life, and that having a son that is facing problems is just too much to bear. Most of the dads of the boys with Sid are in denial at first. The wives tend to have to deal with looking out what the issues are all by themselves by researching, talking and looking solutions. Many of the husbands fight the wives to the end until the wife ultimately convinces her mate to "just speak with an expert". In one case I know, the father uses the excuse, "he's just like I was" so he assumes it is okay. Meanwhile, everybody together with his wife is going crazy having to deal with his child. My friend is of the mindset that if there Is help available, then she's going to get it! In reality, many of these men are right, because the kid Is just like them... And if there would have been help for their own mothers way back when, then the moms more than likely would have taken it instead of suffering through it and of procedure it would have made all easier on the child. They could have learned tactics that would have helped them carry on their actions, their bodies and their behavior.
My husband ultimately came nearby when he was able to speak with the Occupational Therapist where we got Jeremy evaluated. They promised to do whatever potential to work with Jeremy to exact many of these issues. The whole topic of using medication to help Jeremy hasn't come nearby for a while, but I know that my husband will be open to it if we have to do it. He's had to deal with Jeremy while I've been out of town and it nearly put him over the edge.
We're well just beginning on this journey to getting the help we need. I've discovered many successes through trial and error. I've found that having a chart that rewards Jeremy for his chores and responsibilities for the day motivates him better than punishment. Tae Kwan Do has been astonishing to heighten his self esteem. Talking with the trainer on an almost daily basis alerting her with new research I've found or discoveries that have happened has well helped. Daily massages on his feet, legs, back and hands are helping the stimulation of his skin so he doesn't freak out quite as bad when putting on socks and shoes. Teaching him to breathe himself through frustrations is an ongoing process and educating him about what to feed his body to it works correctly has helped me just as much!
Had I known what it would take to parent a child with Sensory Integration Disorder, then I would have said that I didn't have what it took. And I probably would have been right. My stress level has been through the roof ever since I had Jeremy but in reality looking out that he had something that was well diagnosed gave me the power back! I knew that if I educated myself, our situation would heighten and well it has.
I'm now able to understand that I need to implement complete buildings in order for him to function at his best. That buildings does include plenty of free or down time, but when it's time to do something or go some where, I put on my "drill sergeant" hat to get him to perform. It goes against my nature to be that firm, but I've learned that in order for our family to function, then I have to do what I have to do.
Please feel free to share your stories with me or to reach out for support. Possibly if Several of us can reach out to others to help, then others will be able to educate their spouses, their teachers and their friends.
the full details Parenting a Child with Sensory Integration Disorder
No comments:
Post a Comment